Its 4.20 in the morning and I'm exhausted but I can't sleep because I keep coughing. My life is such a mess these days. I don't want to leave because I'll leave some large portion of my heart with the boy, but I want to go home at the same time.

I want to find my girls again, so we can drive around aimlessly in cars that stall every so often in the middle of the night, I want to ride down the wet streets and look at all the street lamps and the trees and sticky sweetness of the air. I want to see the people I love because we all want to see each other, I want to make cupcakes and play twister and coo at puppies, I want to have conversation over steaming bowls of noodles and resplendent plates of dessert. I want to walk around at night in the cool breeze after a warm meal, I want to laugh at things and make little crafts. I crave connection, and meaningful time spent, and all those attendant blessings.