1) Stay in someone's big-ass million dollar apartment for free, which incidentally has perfect views of the river and is lovely to peer out of at night. Comes equipped with a telescope too, for your viewing/spying/cheekopeh pleasure.
2) Eat every meal out, including meals at Din Tai Fung Shanghai, where one takes pictures only of the sign of the restaurant, as a show of your utter and complete devotion to the cult of xiao long bao.
3) Watch Lost on pirated dvd every night with an intelligent person who watches as much television as you do, declaring during every episode your favourite person on the island. I personally LOVE Sayid. Come on, he was in the Iraqi army and is a badass who can do math, fix electronicy things and torture people.
4) Get incredibly fat.
5) Wear large sunglasses Eelin likes to laugh at with tv buddy.
6) Buy many pretty ethnic chinese things, including qipaos and the like, which, when worn, evoke a kind of physical eloquence reminiscent of In The Mood For Love.
7) Buy many other cheap ass things, including branded stuff you wouldn't even ordinarily purchase, but do anyway because of its maddening affordability. Eg. fake Gucci luggage, fake Chanel bags, and a whole assortment of dirt cheap clothing.
8) Get completely excited when people compliment your Mandarin, and actually get used to thinking/speaking/bargaining in the language you are so horrible at.
9) Discuss drug-dealing Singaporeans with appropriate Asian surprise.
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