Today my exams officially begin, since GP doesn't count. I studied for a substantial part of yesterday, and even got in some exercise time, which was marvellous. Less marvellous, however, was the dawning realization that I really didn't know enough to get an A.
Deep breath, right? Bullshit. I'm screwed. My eyes itch from the pool water, I'm sick with worry and exhausted. I'm not sure whether its worse to have people who have no expectations for you or that have expectations you can never measure up to. I don't do well when people compliment me, or think highly of what I may be able to achieve - its like when I'm playing the piano and someone says 'good!', I start to stumble and everything goes downhill from there. The weight of expectation and the idea that possibilities that seem endless now can be closed with how you perform in a matter of hours. I don't know what I'm going to do when I don't do as well as I'm supposed to and I have to get my results. I'm plotting ways to just not show up.
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