I harbour the deep desire to take off and run. If only I had somewhere to run to. I have spent the past few days languishing in non-activity. I am somewhat alarmed by my lack of reading - I must confess, I am a very lazy person and apparently only read books when my schedule demands that more attention be paid to other things. I am currently still plowing through September Vogue, the articles are a-plenty, I'll tell you. I swear to finish reading Marquez and get on with the odd second novel of Dave Eggers'. I briefly contemplated reading the Iliad, but decided against it. My bookshelves teem with unread books. I burn with shame! I wish I was remotely gifted at something - art, perhaps. Some kind of creative force that seems to flow organically, and need not be prompted. I often forget that true greatness requires hefty amounts of devotion, time, toil and skill, and that talent alone means nothing if you do not maximise your potential. I must keep this in mind.

In other news, I have no idea how to consider my college options anymore. How do you listen to your gut instinct if you can't even feel your gut? I assaulted my gut with a huge chunk of Baked Alaska today. My thighs and waist is probably furious with me, too. I suppose I will venture into the dangerous territory of obesity sometime soon.

My entries are all very disjointed, much like my thoughts - today I was reminded that a lot of my relationships in school are transient. Good recently-viewed movies that eke out the realistic nuances of human interaction and experience have taught me that perhaps humans are inherently flawed. History has taught me that war consistently recurs despite overwhelming evidence that speaks of its unequivocal evil. In that, I have learnt that man inherently thrives on conflict, and therefore - all his relationships are tenuous at best. In the best loves there is deception, lies, and hurt. In the best friendships there are gaps in intimacy, competitiveness, inexplicable betrayal.

Edit : I think I've realized that mean-spiritedness is pointless, and we should keep hurtful opinions to ourselves, or at least only share it with those who will keep your secret iron-clad. Best to leave my own horrible thoughts to myself than hurt someone with them.