SUREFIRE METHOD TO FAIL YOUR IMPORTANT FINAL EXAMS :

1) Get up, read the newspapers, trot around your garden, watch E! entertainment until your brain wants to bleed from the lack of good television.

2) Have lunch, go back to sleep.

3) Go on ebay.com for 5 hours, talk to your friends online about nothing, spend time trolling uninteresting websites full of uninteresting clothing or uninteresting writing.

4) Spent 2 hours uploading pictures to your webshots album, for no reason other than the fact that you can.

5) Eat chocolate, eat potato chips, drink soda, in a bid to pre-empt your future lifestyle should you actually make it to the college many shores removed from you.

6) Be pleased by the rain and sit outside with hot water, relishing the blessed cool air that comes so rarely to your blighted tropical island.

7) Have dinner, watch cable television. Go online, speak to your best friend and worry about your lack of study and preparation, speaking about your sense of inertia and your inability to jolt yourself out of this haze.

8) Sleep late.

The day comes to a close, another begins ... REPEAT.