I think all of us are teetering in and out of emotions, feeling less anxious because there is no longer an immediate threat to our community but then realizing at other times the full weight of this tragedy. People say life is slowly returning to normal again, but it is the reintroduction to aspects of our daily routine, like being outside in the beautiful day and making that 2 minute walk to the grocery store that seems surreal.
We hold hands when through back paths and jump at any sudden noise. Sirens fill us with dread. I move away from the windows, I close all my blinds, I walk quickly if I have to move through darkness. Being able to be out in the open used to be such a welcome relief after months of bitter cold, but now being outside makes me feel exposed, vulnerable and afraid.
All of us are trying to do our work and few of us are succeeding. I want to read, but cannot seem to find a reading material fitting for the way I feel. I had been reading a memoir of a boy soldier from Sierra Leone and can't pick it up anymore. I am now trying to read Foucault in some desperate bid to distance myself from emotions. Like a lot of my peers I keep reading articles about the whole event, reading comments on them from concerned strangers, trying to process the senselessness of everything that happened. All of us are reading, I think, trying to find out why, why he decided to do this, why anyone does, and why violence is perpetrated all too often.
Mostly we tell each other that we love each other and we hug with more purpose, and try to be encouraged, looking for a way that we can really cherish our last 2 weeks with the people we have spent so much of our last 4 years with. All we can do, in the end, is be a community, even when it can be so hard to be as everyone mourns together.
"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places. "
We hold hands when through back paths and jump at any sudden noise. Sirens fill us with dread. I move away from the windows, I close all my blinds, I walk quickly if I have to move through darkness. Being able to be out in the open used to be such a welcome relief after months of bitter cold, but now being outside makes me feel exposed, vulnerable and afraid.
All of us are trying to do our work and few of us are succeeding. I want to read, but cannot seem to find a reading material fitting for the way I feel. I had been reading a memoir of a boy soldier from Sierra Leone and can't pick it up anymore. I am now trying to read Foucault in some desperate bid to distance myself from emotions. Like a lot of my peers I keep reading articles about the whole event, reading comments on them from concerned strangers, trying to process the senselessness of everything that happened. All of us are reading, I think, trying to find out why, why he decided to do this, why anyone does, and why violence is perpetrated all too often.
Mostly we tell each other that we love each other and we hug with more purpose, and try to be encouraged, looking for a way that we can really cherish our last 2 weeks with the people we have spent so much of our last 4 years with. All we can do, in the end, is be a community, even when it can be so hard to be as everyone mourns together.
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"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places. "
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